What Are We Supposed to Make of These Suicides?

Sure there are those who have undiagnosed diagnoses, such as bi-polar or borderline–or misdiagnoses, as I’ve seen this in my practice. Clients have been diagnosed by psychiatrists with bi-polar when in reality they had severe depression with no manic episodes. Some people may require medication and be chemically imbalanced and some have neurological difficulties.

   And yes depression and anxiety are real conditions that cause tremendous emotional turmoil. But since depression and anxiety manifests differently for each person, how are we supposed to understand the complexities of this mental health issue and when it crosses over to a potential suicide risk?

-Is suicide preventable?

-What is our responsibility as mental health professionals?

-What factors in a person’s life tip the scale of going through with suicide versus living through it and getting on the other side to feeling like life is worth living?

  Before getting into this field, I struggled on and off with depression and anxiety. It was kind of a vague sense of discontent and for a long time I couldn’t pinpoint what the real issues were. Adding to the problem was encountering counselors who didn’t know either, nor did they have the resources to help me in way that made a real difference. They’d hand me workbooks or offer platitudes that didn’t reach something deeper within me.

I went on with my life, functionable and even successful in some areas, but I didn’t have a sense of being understood or a way to understand myself–a way that would’ve given me a richer understanding and a context for putting the pieces of my life together. Something I was grateful to eventually experience.

If we fast forward, in some of my darkest moments I can recall wishing I would die–that the emotional pain I felt day in and day out would stop–but I didn’t want to take my life. I remember at one point wondering how people go on each day doing regular things. What I wanted was a way out of feeling so awful at times, not to end my life.

These days it’s hard to believe that girl within me felt such despair because I love my life now and I’ve outgrown that in A LOT OF WAYS (emphasis because I’ve experienced such transformation that I want to underscore that). I enjoy life now even with the inherent challenges.

So looking back at the person I was then who struggled with depression and anxiety, what kept me from giving up?  What keeps others continuing on with life versus giving up?    

This conversation could go on and on, and it should since it’s a complex and life-saving topic. But for brevity’s sake, here’s are three salient reasons people may be safeguarded from following through on suicide or never even getting to that point:

2. Having time and space to identify and flesh out where these feelings of despair come from. On one’s own, they are often left to flounder and feel stuck. We cannot on our own figure these things out about ourself. We were made to need other people, such as a therapist or coach, to help us figure out all the messes we find ourselves in, particularly those belonging to matters of the heart.

3. Feeling heard and understood by people who are meaningful in a person’s life. Being misunderstood and even dismissed can be so hurtful to the point that it puts a person in a spiral downward. By being heard and understood, and cared about, the hurting person can feel “held” and contained. But it must be geniune and done out of love and compassion, not obligation. Often it’s the people in one’s life, or one’s upbringing, that bring the deepest pain and so until that gets identified and talked through with a therapist, these issues will remain unresolved or even dissasociated.

The feeling of being stuck with no outlook for things to get better is part of the biggest problem. We need to get the word out and be as present as possible in our lives to ensure we are contributing to others’ health. And we especially need to attend to our own mental health and overall well-being within our careers and lives.

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Tyra Butler is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the Founder of the Early Career Clinician Community so be sure to sign up for her email list and grab your free copy of the “Pre-Licensed Guide to Success: How to Ensure You Get Licensed,” where she gives some of her best tips to succeed (Join the Facebook group here). She has been in private practice for nine years, with 14 years in mental health and business. She works with pre-, provisionally-licensed and early career therapists to help them find paid work, start and grow their practices and make important decisions and career moves in community mental health.  She offers coaching and consultation, and as a professional writer she helps therapists create and write web site and marketing content.